


A Tale of Many Drafts and Lots of Swearwords

by CakeorDeath



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Community: where_no_woman, Epistolary, F/M, Gen, Grief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-16
Updated: 2010-09-16
Packaged: 2017-10-11 21:46:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/117446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CakeorDeath/pseuds/CakeorDeath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the Where No Woman prompt: 126. A tale of many drafts, or: Uhura's memo to the rest of the crew, on appropriate and inappropriate uses for the ship's comm system, from first realization that this is an Issue to final form. (Uhura/Documentation?)</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Tale of Many Drafts and Lots of Swearwords

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: Thanks to hellokatzchen for the fantastic job she did. Any failings are my own.
> 
> Disclaimer: Not mine. I know. Shocking.

To: Lt. Uhura, N, Head of Communications  
From: Lt. Huang, F, Head of Internal Communication  
Re: I'm giving you more work

Hello,

Basically, there is a problem with people ####ing around with official comms. This is the sort of thing Command get very ####y about so I would take a Stand because it looks good. Also, it will stop Gomez complaining about having to tag convos on who is pregnant in catering (apparently Odiaaan got knocked up by Simpson. I KNOW! I didn't even think that was anatomically possibly).

Thanks,  
Huang

888

To: All personal  
From: Lt. Uhura, N, Head of Communications  
DRAFT Re: Use of official communication messaging

Dear Colleagues,

 

888

To: Cpt Kirk, J,  
From: Lt. Uhura, N, Head of Communications  
DRAFT Re: Memo on use of comms.

Sir,

I am composing a memo on appropriate and inappropriate uses of official communication messaging system. I would appreciate your support.

Regards,  
Lt. Uhura

888

To: Ens. Salina, A  
From: Ens. Patel, R,  
Re: Untitled

are you pkay

comm me

888

Official notice of casualties from 2260 the firefight with Klingons:  
Operations  
• Lieutenant Stephen McCourt, Engineering  
• Ensign Raj Patel, Engineering  
• Yeoman Anna Steiner, Engineering

888

To: All personal  
From: Lt. Uhura, N, Head of Communications  
DRAFT Re: Use of official communication messaging

Dear Colleagues,

It has come to my attention that recently that some crewmembers have been misusing the official methods of communication onboard our ship. I hope I can make clear the appropriate and inappropriate uses the system.

Appropriate uses:  
• Informing crewmembers of changes in policy  
• Informal discussions of  
• Drafts of official reports  
•  
• ASK WEBSTER ABOUT OKAY USES OF COMMS

Inappropriate uses:  
• Invitation to or discussion of social engagements.  
• Gossip.  
• Managing personal relationships.  
• Discussing any non-work related projects.  
• Anything not connected to work in any other way.

Remember that there is limited space and that staff in Communications are required to tag and record every official comm. on our ship. We would prefer not to have to read and describe people's love letters. From now on any misuse of official comms. will result in .............. WHAT

888

To: Ym. Jones, K  
From: Ym. Heitiaaaang [Standardised transliteration]  
Re: Condolences

Dear Lt. Okoro  
I was so sorry to hear about the loss of our dear colleague and friend Stephen McCourt. You are in my thoughts and prayers to the God of human deaths and white wine Harrrrgrek. If there is anything I can help you with (apart from being your spouse since I have not the requisite organs, and my species do not find humans attractive, anyway) do not hesitate to ask.

My deepest condolences,  
Ym. Heitiaaaang

Karl, is this the right way of expressing my sympathies? Do tell me if I've got anything wrong.

888

To: Lt. Uhura, N, Head of Communications  
From: Cpt. Kirk, J, T, Captain  
Re: Problems with official report

I did not 'get captured', I 'was' captured. Not my fault. I'm also your captain. *cough*

Talk to Holler and tell him to cut down on the novel length descriptions of the rocks. But be tactful, he is a sensitive soul. I would ask Spock but he doesn't do tactful. Not 'logical'. You know, we should do a Spock bingo card, every time he says logical take a drink, every time he's contemptuous of me etc.

Obviously me and tact are not great bedfellows.

BTW, do you have any info on the whole Gordon + Diallo thing? Get the word out that I don't want any #### from them and that if Ramirez and Sulu's betting thing has anything to do with it I will properly ####ed.

Good work, as always,  
Kirk

888

To: Cpt. Kirk, J, T,  
From: Lt. Uhura, N, Head of Communications  
Re: Problems with report

Sir,

It was partly your fault you were captured. Accept it and move on. *has compromising pictures of you on that safari we took second year* *cough*

Holler has agreed to put the novel length descriptions of rock in an appendix so that we can study them more fully. He really is very sweet.

DeMores is sorting out Gordon and Diallo, I gather. Sulu is staying well out of this.

Thanks,  
Uhura

888

To: Ym. DeMores, F  
From: Ens. Gordon, J  
Re: Untitled

Fillipe,

Thanks for your last comm. Really cheered me up.

Got offer of a 'drink' with Amin (from Enginering not medical), should I stay?

Hugs and kisses,  
Jilly

888

To: Lt. Uhura, N, Head of Communications  
From: Lt. Chevalier, P, Deputy Head of Internal Communication  
Re: Has the memo been sent out?

Ma'am,

Just wondering, not to seem rude or out of line, I don't want to yell at someone for something they haven't been warned about yet.

Best wishes,  
Chevalier

888

To: All communications personal  
From: Lt. Uhura, N, Head of Communications  
Re: Memo

The memo about comm. use will be sent today. Sorry for any confusions, guys. It should be in everyone's inboxes by 17:00.

Also: Happy Birthday Lt. Imber!!! Cake in rec room three at 19:00!

Regards,  
Uhura

888

Official notice of casualties from 2260 the firefight with Klingons:  
Operations  
• Ensign Franco Buffon, Engineering  
• Lieutenant Kristina Crawfield, Engineering  
• Yeoman Janna Hartman, Catering  
• Lieutenant Barry Hildreth, Communications  
• Lieutenant Miken Imber, Communications  
• Yeoman Katherine Kelly, Catering  
• Lieutenant Hana Megumi, Engineering  
Sciences  
• Ensign Susan Gates, Physics  
• Lieutenant H Lennnne [Standardised transliteration], Chemistry  
Command  
• Lieutenant Adelmo Kaczka, Weapons  
• Yeoman Jeremy Leigh, Personnel  
• Ensign Kim Mulryne, Weapons

 

888

To: All personnel  
From: Cpt. Kirk, J, T, Captain  
DRAFT Re: Memorial services for those lost

Dear Colleagues,

I am writing to inform you of the sad news of the loss of [INSERT NAME HERE]. [INSERT NAME HERE] worked in the [OPERATIONS/SCIENCES/COMMAND] track, in the capacity of [INSERT HERE]. There will be a memorial service for [INSERT NAME HERE] on the [INSERT DATE HERE]. For details please contact the Head of Memorial Services.

Our comrades will be sorely missed and I offer you my heartfelt condolences at this sad time.

Regards,  
Kirk

888

To: Dr. McCoy, L, H, Head of Medical  
From: Cpt. Kirk, J, T, Captain  
Re: Untitled

Oh #### Bones.

Oh ####.

I am not very eloquent tonight. Keep me company? Bring booze. So I don't kill myself

Jim

888

To: Lt. Cmm. Spock, First Officer  
From: Lt. Uhura, N, Head of Communications  
Re: Please come when you get this

I know you are meditating right now, but when you get this I would love it if you could come visit me. I don't want to be alone.

Love Nyota

888

To: Lt. Owusu, J, Head of Geography  
From: Ens. Patterson, K,  
Re: I love you

Joe,

I love you and I don't care anymore. Either of us could die at any moment, we can't, I can't pretend anymore. I know I'm 21 and you're 40. I know there are issues, I know kids and marriage and stuff will be difficult. But I love you more than I could possibly say and I'm not going to hide away from it anymore.

I love you. Come and have sex with me.

Love Kieran

888

To: Lt. Uhura, N, Head of Communications  
From: Lt. Cmm. Spock, First Officer  
Re: Please come when you get this

It is logical to seek out comfort from others when one is feeling distressed. I shall be over in fifteen minutes; I have some paperwork that it is imperative I finish.

I, too, would enjoy some company at this time. (You will note here that I am employing the practise you advised me to take up, 'discussing deep thoughts I might not otherwise be willing to speak of because they too closely resemble feelings'. Against my expectations, it is not wholly unpleasant).

Spock (the same sentiment as your valediction, but not so illogically expressed).

888

To: Lt. Uhura, N, Head of Communications  
From: Lt. Webster, M, Deputy Head of Communications  
Re: Personnel jiggery pokery

Uhura,

First off I hope you're alright, didn't see you at breakfast. It's all been a bit of a ####ing #### storm and I have to say you are coping pretty bloody admirably right now.

I hate doing this but we've got to look at personnel issues for the Meri ambassadorial visit. In terms of injuries we're eleven down which is a bugger and we could maybe do it if we pulled our fingers out (not something any of us feel like doing now). However, we've lost Hildreth and Imber, and Sturden is obviously going to want, #### need, compassionate leave. Since they were really the only ones who are up on the Meri, I don't think we can do it. Any chance we can push this on to someone else?

Sorry to have to bother you.

Regards,  
Webster

P.S. Shall I take Alpha shift tomorrow?  
P.P.S. By which I mean I am definitely taking Alpha shift tomorrow; you relax.  
P.P.P.S. Which means no doing ####ing paperwork, either.

888

To: Crm. Mustafa, T,  
From: Ym. Cloyd, A,  
Re: ####ing bored

...

That? That is the sound of me dying of boredom. Just so you know. I hate drilling. I hate boring ####ty outposts. I hate Kirk and being re-routed at the last ####ing minute to ####ty ####ing punishment runs in backwoods ####holes because communications are dicks.

Oh, #### got to go.

Annie

888

To: Crm. Mustafa, T,  
From: Ym. Cloyd, A,  
Re: ####ing bored in sickbay

I'm fine, don't worry. McHitler'll let me out in day or two, once they're sure that I won't start killing anyone or whatever.

Heitiaaaang is ... ####. That has to be one of the worse things I've ever seen. If he was a human he would have (apparently) died straight away. But. So, you know, he was in agony, for hours. Screaming. For hours. His blood is like black, and it kept on spurting around. I've had nightmares that I'm drowning in it. But I haven't like processed it yet or whatever, apparently. So, you know, mandatory counselling. That'll be fun.

In less ####ing depressing news Don't #### With Uhura. Seriously. One of the aliens was like "We have your green-blooded pet." And she was like "Bicth what?" but not obviously. And then asses were kicked. Epically. She is some BAMF.

So, yeah. I'm okay but like a bit teary. Could you contact my mum and tell her I'm fine? (I don't have outside comm. access for some security reason.)

Love ya, Annie

888

To: Lt. Cmm. Spock, First Officer  
From: Lt. Uhura, N, Head of Communications  
Re: How are you feeling?

I know it's illogical but I miss you. I wish you were here with me.

Do you know when you get out of sickbay? Comm. me.

Got to go, sorry.

Nyota

888

To: All personal  
From: Lt. Uhura, N, Head of Communications  
DRAFT Re: Use of official communication messaging

Dear Colleagues,

Use the comms to tell that person you love how you feel about them because you never know. You never ####ing know what will happen and we are so busy and if anything happened I would not know how to cope. Because love is more important than anything else. Love is the thing you should care about more than anything

When Spock was captured, I felt that ... I felt that I would burst. That ... I feel so strong it's scary but that is what life is and in times like this you should cling onto life and you lovers and your friends and your family and your comrades more than anything

888

To: dalila.uhura@nairobiuni.kn  
From: nyota.uhura@spacenet.spa  
Re: Just wanted to talk [Translation from Swahili]

Dear Mother,

I love you so much. I'm feeling a bit low, emotionally. Stuff has happened with Spock which I can't go into for security reasons, but suffice to say I am a bit shaken. Well, very shaken. Mother, it scares me. How I feel. I love him in a way I don't know he can reciprocate, and I am so terrified that one day I will have to make a choice between him and duty and I won't make the right choice. I don't think I'm strong enough.

I am eating well, brushing my teeth and making my bed.

Love,  
Nyota

888

To: nyota.uhura@spacenet.spa  
From: dalila.uhura@nairobiuni.kn  
Re: Mother's Wisdom [Translation from Swahili]

Dear Nyota,

I love you too, my darling girl. And while I may be slightly biased when I say that you are the most beautiful, wonderful person in the whole world, I've got definite proof when it comes to you being one of the best Starfleet officers out there. I know you would always do the right thing, even if it is hard, harder than you think you can bear. Trust in yourself, and remember where you come from, and who you are. You are, and always will be, strong enough.

I love and miss you, my best girl (tying with your sisters)

Love,  
Mother

P.S. I know you aren't making your bed. Don't lie to me.

888

To: All personal  
From: Lt. Uhura, N, Head of Communications  
Re: Use of official communication messaging

Dear Colleagues,

Don't push your luck.

Regards,  
Uhura

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews, comments and concrit are welcome.


End file.
